There are certain “soft skills” we use in both our personal and professional lives. One of these soft skills is negotiation. We all get into arguments, some friendly, some heated, where we’re trying to get what we want. Some negotiations are formal and happen at a table with professional language; others might be at a barbeque with friends. The stakes can be high (“I want a promotion”) or small (“It’s your turn to get the ice”), but either way you’re using negotiation skills to get them.
If you’re looking to improve your negotiation skills, keep these principles in mind the next time you sit down to hash something out.
Know What You Want…
No matter what you’re trying to negotiate— a new raise, perhaps, or calling dibs on using the Playstation 5 on Saturday nights— it’s critical that you know what you want before opening that conversation. What are your goals? What is the best case scenario for you in this negotiation, and what is the minimum that you are prepared to accept? What kind of leverage do you have? If you’re asking for a raise, do you have accomplishments that you can point to to bolster your case? Think of the arguments you can make in favor of your side.
The reverse of that last point is true, too: think of the arguments that can be made against you. What weak points do you have in this situation? What mistakes have you made that could be brought up? What areas do you need to improve on? Imagine it was you sitting at the other side of the table. How would you negotiate against yourself?
…And What They Want, Too
For a negotiation to go well, you need to consider what the other side wants. You may not know what their best case/worst case is going in but you can guess. Think about what concessions you can ask of them and what you in turn are prepared to give. Consider in what ways you are mutually aligned and how you can negotiate to a place where both sides derive some benefit from the final outcome.
There’s a concept in negotiation that is helpful to keep in mind: The Zone of Possible Agreement (ZOPA). ZOPA is the range in a negotiation in which two or more parties are able to find common ground. This is the bargaining zone; when a negotiation moves outside the ZOPA, the odds of this negotiation ending well and in anyone’s favor go down drastically.
When you prepare to negotiate with someone, it can be helpful to draw up a ZOPA as a Venn diagram. What’s in their circle and what’s in yours? What’s in the sweet spot— the overlap where the circles converge?
Listen Carefully
A key part of negotiating is being an active listener.
“Sometimes, engaging in active listening can help,” said Gina Pinch, Rio Salado College Faculty Chair for Business, Management, and Public Administration. “When the other person feels heard, they may be more willing to collaborate, and any tension might de-escalate.”
You need to pay attention to what they’re saying, verbally and otherwise. Consider their eye contact: is it regular, or evasive? What’s the tone of their voice like? Confident, reluctant, sharp, bored, friendly? Is their body language relaxed or are they holding themselves in a defensive posture? A lot of important information can go unspoken; as you both talk, pay close attention to these non-verbal cues. These little “tells” can give you a temperature check to let you know how things are going.
Keep Your Emotions in Check
To quote the author Thomas Pynchon: “Keep cool but care.” Negotiations can get heated: people want something, and they can feel frustrated if they’re not getting what they want or feel like they’re not being heard. Emotional intelligence is very important in a situation like this. You want to be respectful and considerate of their feelings, but you also want to stand firm on what you want. Oftentimes we can end up undercutting ourselves by asking for less from others because we don’t want to be “rude” or “rock the boat.” We lose confidence in ourselves and don’t ask for something that we may very well have gotten if we were just a little bit bolder.
One thing you can do to help stay on an even keel is to remember that you can’t control how they respond but you can have mastery over yourself. If they get heated or dismissive, you can rise above that. If you don’t like how the negotiation is going— if it’s falling well outside the ZOPA— you can always leave. Don’t feel pressured to agree to something you’ll regret later. It’s better to walk away, regroup, and continue the conversation later or go elsewhere. If you’re negotiating with someone who is demanding an answer right away, don’t do it. Anyone who is pressuring you to sign something or make a commitment without giving you the time and space to consider your options does not have your best interests at heart.
Be Flexible
Negotiation can involve some give and take. Being flexible and willing to compromise when necessary is a vital part of the process. It’s why doing all that prep work early on about your goals and what your bare minimum will be is so important. When you know what you absolutely need, you’re able to adapt and sacrifice what isn’t as important.
Sometimes the end result of the negotiation isn’t where you need to be flexible: it could be the actual conversation itself! Maybe they’re running late, or you keep getting interrupted, or someone is recovering from an illness and has a hard time focusing. Being patient during these inconveniences and rolling with the punches will put you in a good light. Keep your expectations low going into a negotiation and you won’t be disappointed.
If you find that the other person is being very inflexible and is reluctant to compromise, it can be helpful to reframe your negotiation as a collaboration. Try to change the energy in the room and use your language to paint a different picture: this isn’t a me versus you situation. We’re both in the same boat, trying to raise this tide together. Again, this is why thinking about the ZOPA is so crucial. Knowing where you’re both simpatico will make it easier to establish this spirit of mutual benefit.
“Another strategy could be to ask open-ended questions,” said Pinch. “Questions like ‘What would make this workable for you?’ or ‘What concerns do you have about this option?’ can shift the focus from conflict to problem-solving and may uncover areas of flexibility you didn’t expect.”
The Silent Treatment
When it comes to talking, less can be more in negotiations. If you want to steer the conversation your way or put the other person off-balance, a simple and effective way to do that is to use strategic silence. This is a tactic that journalists use in interviews and the police use in interrogations: most people feel uncomfortable sitting in silence. They will start talking to fill that silence, and oftentimes will end up saying too much in the process. Think of strategic silence as a brake you can pull to hit pause on the negotiation and “stall” it. It can feel uncomfortable but that discomfort can also be productive: the person on the other end might end up wanting to hurry the deal along or compromise more if it means to keep the conversation going.
Silence can also be used to encourage introspection and reflection, giving everyone a moment to consider their options. It can also be used to de-escalate situations if the negotiation gets tense.
Article by Austin Brietta
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