October through December is a busy and exciting time. It’s that part of the year where the holidays roll through our lives- one after the other- like connected cars on a train. With the holidays come family events, parties, and responsibilities. The holiday season can ask a lot of us, which can lead to a lot of stress. It doesn’t have to be that way! There are strategies you can employ to help alleviate holiday stress. If you’re worried you’ll be overwhelmed this holiday season, follow these tips to keep yourself feeling as light as a snowflake.
You Can Say No
One of the reasons why the holidays can feel so stressful is that they often come with obligations. Family dinners, gift shopping, travel, hosting visitors, and other events can eat up a lot of time and generate stress. That doesn’t mean those things aren’t satisfying and worth doing! They can be taxing, though, so it’s important to be realistic about your bandwidth during the holidays. What do you NEED to do and what can you say no to? Commit to the things that matter and be judicious about what you say yes to beyond those essentials. Overcommitting and packing your schedule can be a major source of stress. Don’t be afraid to say no to invitations, requests, and opportunities that could overburden you. Take advantage of those holes in your calendar to relax and recharge yourself.
Keep Your Distance
If there is someone who causes you a lot of stress during the holiday season, do what you can to minimize your association with them. This can be tricky when the source of stress is a part of your family, but there are ways you can politely set buffers between you and this person. For starters: as the saying goes, there’s safety in numbers. Try not to be alone with your stressor. Bring in friends and family you’re comfortable with into the conversation. If you’re at a dinner party, talk to the host ahead of time and ask to be seated away from this person.
In the event that keeping away from this person is impossible, try to keep interactions with them brief and surface level. If you know there are certain topics (like politics or personal history) that can cause stress between you two, steer clear from them; if they insist on bringing up these topics, politely decline to continue the conversation and try to pivot to a different subject. If they ignore your wishes and refuse to get off-topic, excuse yourself ASAP from this conversation as it will not get better.
One way to make a “clean exit” for yourself in situations like these is to tell someone you trust you’ll give them a signal if you need them to step in and give an excuse to leave the conversation. Having someone who can step in and say, “oh, you gotta meet my old roommate” or “have you seen aunt Tina?’ during a tense conversation can give you a neat and tidy escape without escalating the situation.
On a related note: If you’re going to a holiday party where you know there’s a chance you’ll be stressed out, drive your own car or use a ride app. You don’t want to have to depend on someone else to get you out if you want to call it an early night or feel too overwhelmed. Having your own transportation gives you the freedom to leave whenever you want, and that knowledge can be reassuring in tense situations.
Practice Gratitude
It’s important to remember what you’re grateful for during those days where everything feels heavy and burdensome. When you’re feeling down, remember the things and people that helped you stay up. When we’re stressed, we often fixate on all the things in our lives that are going wrong; gratitude helps us counter that downward spiral by lifting our spirits with the knowledge of all the things that have and continue to go right for us.
To get into the habit of practicing gratitude, try keeping a gratitude journal. All you have to do is write 3-5 things you’re grateful about each day. The goal is not to repeat yourself: think of 3-5 new things each day. The purpose of the journal is two-fold: as an exercise to get you in the mindset of looking for the positive in your life, and as a resource you can turn to on dark days to remind you of all the good things your stressed mind is probably not thinking about at the moment. The journal can be a reality check that things have not and will not always be so gloomy.
Reframe a Bad Picture
Stress can often be a problem of perspective. When things are happening to us, we can feel them intensely; we feel singled out even if a situation isn’t actually about us. When you’re feeling stressed, it can help to reframe the situation. Consider the perspective of other people in a stressful situation. Be empathetic and consider what they’re feeling and why they’re saying and doing things that cause you stress. If someone cuts you off in traffic and you feel a surge of anger, consider that maybe that person is experiencing an emergency, like they’re rushing to help a sick loved one. Instead of stewing in frustration and stress, you can let that go by giving the other person grace and understanding.
You can also reframe your own point of view. Is a friend running late and you’re feeling upset waiting for them? Use that waiting time to catch up on reading or do a bit of cleaning you’ve been putting off. Instead of being mad at a friend for “making you wait,” realize you’re being given the gift of time. If someone at a holiday dinner is stressing you out, ask yourself why they’re getting to you. Is there an exposed nerve they’re hitting, some insecurity you’ve been ignoring? Maybe they’re unwittingly showing you something you need to know about yourself.
Not everything can be reframed, of course; sometimes a bad situation is exactly what it is, and no amount of perspective shifting will change that. But it can be a helpful exercise to take a beat when something is bothering you and seeing if you can transform it into something benign or beneficial by looking at it through a different lens.
Article by Austin Brietta
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