“Learn from the best.” It’s a cliche but one that’s hard to argue with. If you want to further yourself professionally, finding a mentor who can give you career advice is an important step to take to get to the future you want. No matter how skilled and knowledgeable we are, we all could use a Yoda to help us become masters of our trade.
What Does a Mentor Do?
A mentor can serve a variety of roles. Oftentimes a professional mentor acts as a sounding board. They’re a sympathetic, seasoned ear who can listen to what you’re going through in your career and offer you sound advice on how to move forward when you find yourself stuck in place. A mentor could teach you professional skills. They could also serve as an important resource for networking and expanding your circle of professional contacts. A mentor could vouch for you if you’re applying to a professional association. Your mentor could provide letters of recommendation and act as a sterling work reference on your resume.
Most importantly, a mentor is someone who is invested in your success. This is a person who wants to see you succeed. Having someone in your corner who believes in you and wants the best for you can do wonders for your mental health. It’s not a tangible benefit that you can put on a resume but it’s an anchor to lean on in those dark days where you feel like nothing you’re doing is working and that you’ll never get ahead. Every winning team needs a coach to help them come up with winning plays and a cheerleader to spur them on to victory. The best kinds of mentors are both.
Know Your Goals
Before you begin seeking out mentors, it’s crucial to know what kind of guidance would be beneficial to you. Knowing what your goals are will make it easier to find the right kind of mentor who’ll be best suited to help you achieve those goals. Are you looking for someone who can help you hone your current job skills? Do you want to learn from someone who can help build toward long-term goals? Are there soft skills you need to develop that require a mentor’s expertise? Where do you want to be a few years from now in your professional life?
Another step you can take to refine your focus when it comes to finding mentors is to take an inventory of your skills and professional talents. What are the strengths you’re trying to cultivate, and what are the weaknesses you’re trying to improve? Be honest with yourself when doing this self-assessment: you can’t fix a flaw if you’re too busy making excuses for it. If you can understand the gulf that lies between where you are and where you want to be, you’ll be better equipped to get the training and mentorship you need to cross that divide.
Finding a Mentor
When it comes to finding a mentor, start with who you know. Ask yourself, “I who do I admire? Who has skills that I want to foster?” Is there someone you know who already has the dream job that you want? Whose career path most closely aligns with your vision for the future? Is there someone at your company or in your field that you know right now who you’d like to learn from?
“Refrain from discounting someone at your own company, especially if you are new,” said Gina Pinch, Rio Salado College Faculty Chair of Business, Management, and Public Administration. “A mentor can help you succeed in a new position by helping you understand the job skills and the organization’s culture.”
If nobody you know personally fits the bill, it’s time to network. Go to networking events and see who could be a good fit for you. Ask other people in your field if they’ve been mentored; sometimes a “friend of a friend” connection can be a great way to find a mentor. Professional associations can also be a great way to meet potential mentors. Some professional associations have formalized mentorship programs, which will make it easier to find someone who can help you.
Colleges can also be a resource for mentorship, particularly alumni associations. Find someone with a similar interest/career in your alumni network (Hint: Search LinkedIn for alumni). Church groups and non-profit groups can also be a resource for finding mentors.
Plan Your Pitch
Once you’ve found a good candidate for a mentor, the next step is to perfect your pitch. Put together an elevator pitch about why you think they would be the right person to mentor you. See if you can put together a single paragraph that spells out your goals, what you’re looking to get out of the mentorship, and why you specifically want to learn from this person. Reach out to schedule a brief meeting and share that pitch. It lets them know right from the start what your intentions are and it gives them an easy out if they don’t want to mentor you. If they refuse, don’t take it personally. Mentoring is a skill and some people lack the time or inclination to develop it. Take their refusal gracefully, and ask them to please keep you in mind if they know someone else in their field who might be interested in being a mentor. It could very well be the case that your “dream” mentor turns you down but recommends you to the person who actually wants to help you.
To Pay or Not to Pay
Some mentors charge for their services; others do not. There’s nothing wrong with hiring a coach or consultant to help you if you can afford it: both roles are essentially paid mentorships. What’s important is that there is transparency in this relationship and clear expectations established from both sides. If you’re working with a “pro bono” mentor who suddenly starts wanting money for their time when that wasn’t made clear from the jump, that’s a red flag. If you’re paying for a mentor’s time, make sure that they respect YOUR time as well. If they’re constantly rescheduling or you feel like they’re not fully present and engaged with you during your mentoring time, call them on it. Your time is just as valuable as theirs.
Set Boundaries and Respect Theirs
Mentorships can be tricky relationships to navigate because of the imbalance in power. Mentors tend to be more successful and established, which can leave mentees feeling like they should follow all their advice to the letter and tolerate their bad behavior. Some mentors may have a deeply toxic “pay your dues” mentality that you have to “earn” their hard-earned wisdom. If your mentor is ever personally unpleasant or outright abusive to you, you should walk away from that mentorship. Whatever guidance they can offer you is NOT worth compromising your dignity, integrity, and safety.
Set boundaries early on in your relationship with your mentor. Let them know what kind of feedback is helpful to you, and also be honest about your communication style. Some people respond well to candor and “tough love” commentary; others may prefer a gentler, “compliment sandwich” approach where you interweave positive statements with more critical observations.
Remember: respecting boundaries goes both ways. If you and your mentor have a regular schedule for check-ins and meetings, don’t overstep and try to take up more of their time. Find out their preferred methods of communications and what days/times they like to be contacted, and work within those parameters. You also want to keep in mind that a mentor isn’t a therapist. They may be more than happy to help you with work problems, but that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to bring up personal problems with them unless it’s something that’s explicitly interfering with your professional life and you think your mentor could help you get some clarity on it.
Take the Note
There’s an expression that’s common among actors: “take the note.” What that means is that when you get constructive criticism, it’s better to take that note and consider it in good faith than to get defensive and try and justify what you did. Your mentor can’t make you do anything. You can take or leave their advice. Trying to argue with them about why they’re wrong isn’t very productive and could end up creating awkwardness in your working relationship. When you get a critique from your mentor that you disagree with, sleep on it. Consider it at length for a bit before dismissing it. It could very well be a bad note but there’s a chance that you’re resisting their observation because it’s true.
“If you have a trusted friend or colleague, you might seek their honest input to help validate the advice,” said Pinch.
If you find that your mentor is consistently giving you bad advice or that you two simply can’t get on the same page, it’s time to move on. Express your sincere appreciation for the time they’ve spent with you and tell them you need to reprioritize your time on other things. Since your mentor may very well be a part of your networking circle, it’s always best to end things in a positive way. A mentorship that didn’t work out could still be an invaluable work reference down the line.
Be Grateful
In most cases, you’re getting more out of this relationship than they are. Mentors are giving their time to you, so don’t take it for granted. The occasional thank you letter goes a long way. Did you land a new job or earn a promotion thanks to the work you’ve done with your mentor? Show your gratitude by treating them to a nice lunch. Celebrate your successes with them. Like any good teacher, they will feel pride and joy in seeing that all their efforts paid off in getting you where you wanted to be.
“Mentors often help others because they want to give back and share their experiences,” Pinch said. “Seeing you succeed may motivate them to help others.”
It doesn’t hurt to stay in touch with your mentor after you’ve stopped taking lessons from them. Even if you’ve moved on to a different field or find yourself in a higher position than them in the same field, it’s good to stay in touch with people who’ve helped you. It shows your continued gratitude to them, and it also offers you the opportunity to return the favor to them at some point. Maybe they know someone who could use YOUR mentorship or perhaps they themselves could use a reference from you. One good turn deserves another, after all.
Article by Austin Brietta
Career Corner
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